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  As I continue to suck and nip, my hand gradually moves down until it cups her pussy. I press a finger against her pants and her body stills. I release her nipple with a pop, my face rising above hers and the look of fear in her eyes halts my every movement. “Baby, are you okay?”

  Her eyes soften and begin to water, her chin quivering slightly. “I…. I’m sorry. I want to…. I want you so badly but…. I can’t….” My hand lays on her soft face, and I give her a smile.

  “Sweetheart, if you’re not ready then I’ll stop. I want your first time to be special with no fear. I want our first time to be right. I thought this was too soon after….” A tear leaves her eyes and her chin quivers even harder. “No, don’t cry. It’s okay. Really, it’s all good. You still have some healing to do and I won’t be in the way of that and I certainly won’t do anything to hinder that. Shhhh.” I crawl off her and pull her closely into me. Her head lays on my chest as her arm moves around my waist and squeezes.

  She looks up at me, and I can tell she’s trying to hold back her tears. “I wanted to try and I really want you. I hope you don’t think I don’t. But when you…. It just made me feel…. Ugh! Why is this so hard to explain?” She sniffs and wipes her eyes quickly, then puts her hand on my stomach.

  I look down at her and frown. “You don’t have to explain, baby. I understand more than you think. You were fine until I touched the one area that he did and that’s why I stopped. I’ll not have you upset, or feeling or thinking about what happened to you while I’m touching you. When you’re ready, it will be only us in your mind, only me that you’re feeling and that’s how it should be. Now, don’t you worry about me. Close those beautiful eyes and try to get some sleep. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen and not a minute before.” I smile and reach over, my fingers lightly covering her eyes, and she closes them as my fingers slide down. “That’s my girl. Sleep now.”

  It’s not long before she’s sound asleep, and I listen to her light breathing as I will my cock to soften. I really need to go take a cold shower, but there is no way I’m leaving my girl when she’s upset and needs me. My girl. I never thought I’d say that, but this feels right. She feels right. Now, if only I could figure out how to tell her about Rosie without getting myself in more trouble. I know she loves kids, it’s obvious, and so I’m not worried about that. I trust her more now with my secrets, but I have to make sure that this information doesn’t get out, and I lose the one thing that’s more important to me than my own life. Rosie.

  The next day, I’ve been moody, and I hate it but all I can think about is telling her about Rosie. I start to talk to her and stop myself. Why is this so hard? Part of me thinks I’ll lose Pearl and part of me thinks I’ll lose Rosie. I’m so frustrated and pissed off at myself and at the situation. By early evening, my mood is getting the better of me and then my phone rings. I look over at Pearl, down the bar, and hold up my phone. She gives me a worried look and nods, and I walk passed her, through the kitchen and out the back door and into the alley as I hit the call button. “What? Is Rosie okay?”

  “I just read an article about you in the paper. People are going to find out. You know what you signed, Harley.” Macy’s voice is firm, stern and my heart starts pounding.

  “No one will find out, Macy. I swear! I’ve never told another soul and I never will. I know what I signed, you don’t have to fucking remind me, dammit!” I all but growl into the phone as I walk down the alley.

  “You have feelings for this girl you saved, don’t you? Harley….” She sighs in the phone, and I stop dead in my pacing. “I won’t let people find out about Rosie and I’ll be damned if you’ll ever get her. Now, it’s time to move on, go somewhere where no one knows you. Do it now!” The line goes dead and my heart drops.

  I don’t think. I only turn around and head to the back parking lot. I know I have clothes in her apartment, but I can get more. The only bad thing is the money I’m leaving behind, but I can get more in the next place I land. I have to protect Rosie. I can’t lose her! I walk through the back gate, to my truck and get in. After starting it up and putting the truck in reverse I stop and look at the building. My heart begins to shatter, and tears form in my eyes. Tears. I haven’t cried since the day I left town for the first time. I never thought I could ever shed a tear again, but I was so wrong. My heart is breaking for the third time in my life, but this time, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.

  Chapter Ten

  Geez, he sure is taking a long time with his phone call. It’s been an hour, and he’s not back. I hope it’s not bad news. But what could it be? He has no family or other friends that I know of but then again, what do I know? He’s only opened up a little, and I’m sure there’s things he hasn’t told me, yet. Will he ever tell me more? Will he ever trust me enough? God, I hope so.

  Finally, I nod at Pete, and he walks behind the bar and starts helping a customer. I walk through the side of the bar and to the kitchen. Seeing everyone hustling in there makes me feel a little guilty for leaving, but I have to see if Harley’s okay. I push open the back door, looking up and down the alley as I step out but there’s no sign of him. I jog to the back gate, its creaking hinges protesting as I push hard against it. I run out into the parking lot only to stop short when I see his truck is gone. My heart leaps up into my throat as I turn around and run back through the gate then down the alley until I reach the sidewalk. I barely look up and down the street as I run across, down the sidewalk until I come to the building and round the corner only to screech to a halt when I see the parking lot is empty. Oh, no! Where is he? I feel nauseous as I bend down, placing my hands on my knees and try to catch my breath. Where could he have gone? Will he come back? The tears are flowing freely down my face as I stand and slowly walk back to the bar. I text Pete and ask if he’ll be okay if I take the rest of the night off, and he soon replies that he’ll be fine with Tara there. Thank God, she’s as good a bartender as she is a waitress. My first thought is to get in my car and drive over to Moms. I really need her right now, but then what if he shows up at my apartment? So with a heavy heart I go back to my apartment, sit down on the couch in the dark and wait.

  I awaken to a noise and sit up quickly, memories invading my head and fear penetrates me. A knock on the door and I still. “Pearl! It’s me!” I sigh of relief when I hear Stormy’s voice. I stand quickly, jogging over to the door, unlock and open it. “Oh, my God, girl! I’ve been trying your phone for an hour and then I called the bar and Pete said you came home early. Are you okay? You scared me!” She grabs me into a hug, shuts the door and leads me to the couch by my hand, turning on the lamp on the end table. We turn facing each other, and she squeezes my hand. “Pearl, what’s wrong? You’re as pale as a ghost and you’ve been crying.” She reaches up with her other hand and touches my face.

  My chin starts quivering without my permission, and the tears start all over again. “Oh, Stormy. I think he’s gone. I…. I’ve tried calling him, texting him but I’m not getting any answer. Then my confusion changes to what if he’s hurt? What if something else happened? I’m so worried, confused, hurt…. I don’t know what to do?” I lean my head onto her shoulder as her hand moves to my back pulling me closer.

  “Oh, sweetie. Maybe something came up that he couldn’t avoid. Give him time. I can tell he’s crazy about you. Maybe he’ll call or text soon. I know it’s hard to wait. You know I’ve been there and you helped me get through it, so much. I’m here for you.” I start sobbing into her shoulder as I can’t hold it back any longer. What am I going to do if he doesn’t? How will I live without him? He’s the only one I’ve ever had feelings for. The only one I’ve wanted to give myself to. The only one I’ve ever loved.” My heart stops and I raise my head, looking into Stormy’s eyes.

  “I love him, Stormy.”

  We both sit there quietly, every once in a while Stormy squeezes my shoulder as I rest my head against her shoulder. She had turned off the light, hoping I would fall asleep but
my mind is too active thinking about all the different possibilities of why he would leave me with no word. I hear every sound in the apartment, every creak, and my eyes move to Stormy to see she’s asleep. I’m glad she called Bo earlier letting him know she would probably spend the night. Poor thing, worrying about me and pregnant with twins. She has her own things to worry about and deal with. I feel bad, but I’m so thankful she’s here.

  Today has been horrible. Stormy left and I just walk through the motions, not feeling, not thinking about anything but Harley. My heart is broken, and I’m numb. I keep wondering if there’s a good reason he left, but also wonder why he couldn’t tell me and every time my heart hurts. My motions are almost mechanical as I do my job behind the bar. I fake a smile as I greet the customers, take their orders and clean up afterwards. It’s lonely now in my apartment. I remember being so nervous having him here in the beginning, not ever having lived with someone before, and not ever having a relationship. Now, I feel so alone.

  The next day is more of the same. “Hey, what’s up, buttercup?” I look up at Pete as I lean against the bar staring into space. The bar is slow during lunch hour and not enough to take my mind off of Harley, as if that’s possible. “You look like you’ve lost your best friend and you haven’t been eating. I’ve noticed.” I sigh, wishing I could tell him everything but I won’t betray the little Harley has trusted in me.

  “I’m ok, just a little under the weather. Nothing to worry about,” I tell him softly.

  He rubs my shoulder and smiles sadly. “Well, if you need me, I’m here.” He starts to walk off and turns his head. “Eat something. You’re withering away.” I watch him walk away. Too bad I don’t have an appetite.

  Later on that night I start feeling nauseated and dizzy and decide to take a break in the office. I’m drinking a bottle of water and look down on my desk at the newspaper that was delivered that morning. Opening it, I thumb through it and almost choke on my water when I see an article with Harley’s name in it.

  It has been learned that our own Harley Sanders, who saved Pearl Dunway from a perpetrator just a few days ago, at Hot Rocks, was arrested a little over two years ago for the death of one Maxwell Kincaid, his foster care father for most of his life. Macy Kincaid, Maxwell’s only living survivor, has denied any response to our questions. What we also learned is that Harley is a father himself. A daughter, Rosie Sanders, who is a little over two and a half years old. We have not been able to gather information on the mother or why Rosie is in Macy Kincaid’s care and not Harley’s. Our suspicions lead us to believe Harley gave up his right or was not granted custody due to his incarceration after Maxwell’s death. However, upon further investigation, we have discovered it was self-defense and he was only held for six months before he was released. More news to come as we uncover what is becoming a most intriguing story.

  We’ve also learned today that Drew Johnson has been released from the County Jail on bail.

  I drop the bottle. Water splatters everywhere and I run out the door, down the hall and into the restroom, making it into a stall just in time to lose the little contents in my stomach. I grab some toilet paper and lean back against the wall. Harley, a father? Is this what he couldn’t tell me? Is this why he left me? Why would he think him being a dad would bother me? He knows I love children. It just doesn’t make sense. I look up at the lights when they flicker, and I hear a loud roar of thunder from outside. It’s been raining most of the day, and they said it would get worse tonight. Slowly, I rise, pushing my back against the wall, and walk over to the sink. I look in the mirror and see the dark circles under my lifeless eyes and the paleness to my skin. Turning on the faucet, I splash some water on my face. I take a drink from my cupped hand, swishing it around and then spit it into the sink. Patting my face dry with a paper towel, my head still spinning a little, I turn and walk out of the room and back to my office. I need something to drink and a mint in the worse way.

  I sit down in my chair and pick the paper up again, reading through it once more, slowly. Why wouldn’t he have custody of his daughter? Could it be because he had no choice? He always seemed great around Stormy, talked a little to her about her pregnancy and really sounded genuinely happy for her. He’s such a caring man. I can’t believe he wouldn’t want her. Laying the paper down I suddenly feel dizzy again and lean back in my chair, feeling like it’s gotten hotter in here but then my body chills like it’s cold. Crap, I hope I’m not coming down with something. That would be all I need right now.

  It’s been pouring, lightning and thundering for a few hours now. My head is beginning to pound, but luckily, the crowd has been thinning quickly as people make a mad dash to get home. By last call, Pete orders me to go home, and that he’ll clean and lock up. I don’t argue as I’m really starting to feel like shit. I open the back door in the kitchen and get pelted with rain and roll my eyes when I remember I don’t have an umbrella. Figures. I count to three and then start jogging to the stairs. My feet landing in puddles that splash up at me, my wet hair heavy and the rain coming down so hard I can barely see. I get to the bottom step, grab the arm rail and my body is lifted, and I start screaming as my legs and feet kick out. My back is pushed against the brick, but my head is softened by a hand so it doesn’t hit the wall. My eyes blink rapidly, trying to make out who it is in the dark and beating rain, but before I can see clearly a mouth is covering mine. His smell, his taste is so overwhelmingly known. My arms move around his neck. My body leans forward into his, and I can’t kiss him hard enough. Finally, he moves back just enough that I can see him, and I can’t catch my breath.

  “Harley,” is all I can choke out between pants.

  “Baby. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry I left you. Please, forgive me.” His hand cups my face and his eyes turn into worry. “You look ill. Come let’s get you inside and get you into dry clothes.” He takes my hand, my brows crease as my lips start quivering with the chill, and I don’t budge when he tries to pull me.

  “Wait! Where did you go, Harley? Why did you leave without telling me? Why didn’t you answer my calls or texts? Why?” I start to shake with the cool rain and with my anger. I watch him as he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and then opens them again. “You hurt me, Harley. No word. I was worried sick and then I became angry. You won’t talk to me but you want me to forgive you? How can you expect me to do that when you obviously can’t forgive yourself? You want trust? I trusted you. I tried to give myself to you and you left.”

  He takes a step towards me and I back up a step. He releases my hand and raises both of his in the air in front of him, palms up, like he’s trying to give up. But give up what? “Baby, I am sorry. I came back because I couldn’t stay away from you, no matter the cost. Please, let me explain.” He takes another step towards me and I back up into the wall, so he stops.

  “Explain what, Harley? That there’s something that’s more important to you than me? Is this what you do? You get someone to fall in love with you and then you leave when it suits you, when you’ve had enough, or are you scared? How long, Harley? How long will you be here this time?” His eyes widen as his mouth opens, the look of shock on his gorgeous face. All the adrenaline is rushing through me. My heart is beating so wildly that I feel I could choke on it. My body is shivering, achy and soaked clear through. He takes another step my way, but I have nowhere to go, and suddenly I feel weak, lightheaded and the feeling of more darkness and the sense of falling.

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  “Baby! Pearl?” Her body starts to fall, and I swoop her up into my arms. My hand covers her forehead, and she’s burning up. Fuck! What have I done? I carry her up the stairs, unlocking the doors and almost running with her into her living room, laying her down carefully on the couch. I dig her phone out of her front pocket and scroll through her contacts, find her dad and hit call.

  “Hi, sweetheart. How are you doing?” Knox’s voice is normal, but it’s ready to change fast.

  “Knox, it’s Harley. Pearl
’s…. Pearl’s burning up with fever and was out in the rain, soaked and shivering. Should I call 911?” My heavy breathing is making it hard for me to talk, but I manage to get it out.

  “Harley. No, I’ll call Phillip. He’ll come over there. Get her dry and covered with blankets. Try to see if she will take some water. I’m on my way.” I’m nodding as if he can see me and start to head upstairs to get her some dry clothes, hating to leave her. “Oh and Harley? You have some explaining to do.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you.” I end the call and run up the rest of the stairs, into her room and dig through her drawers, pulling out panties, sweatpants and then go into her closet and yank a sweatshirt off a hanger. Running downstairs I miss a step and go falling, hitting my forehead on the wood floor but spring back up and gather up the fallen clothes.

  I try to be careful as I remove her wet clothes, but they stick to her equally wet skin. She looks so pale and is so still that my worry goes into overdrive. Finally, I get the dry clothes on her and then run up the stairs again trying to find blankets. I scour her room and find none, then stop dead in the hallway when I see a closet at the end. Opening the door, I see linens, pillows and blankets. Gathering up three blankets, I run them downstairs and start unfolding them as I lay them on her one by one, tucking them in around her. “Harley,” she groans and my eyes flash to hers. “I didn’t mean it.” She coughs, and I rub my fingers over her face.