Reclaimed Page 20

  His brows lower. “Why would you think that?”

  He finishes and we walk up the deck steps, into the house, and into the kitchen. He leans back against the counter. “You were severely injured and shouldn’t have been moved. I thought the only reason they would have is to put you in lockdown somewhere.” I pour water in the kettle and set it on the stove, turning on the burner. I turn around and face him. “I thought you were dangerous.”

  He takes the two steps to me and slides his arms around my waist, letting out a small laugh as he steps back against the counter with me. “You thought I was dangerous after meeting me at the bar.” He gives me a smile, and it warms me.

  “Yes, I did.” I smile back. The kettle whistles and I reach over and turn off the burner, moving the kettle to a different one.

  He raises an eyebrow in playfulness. “You thought I was a drug dealer after I was wounded, not so long ago.” I look away, embarrassed at my display of craziness during that time. He cups my chin, raising my face until I have no choice but to look into his eyes. “It’s okay.” He chuckles. “I would have thought the same.” I let out a sigh of relief.

  I rest my head against his chest, and put my arms around him. “I’m so glad that fate brought us together after that.” He clears his throat so I look up at him. “What?”

  The corner of his mouth turns up. “Well, it wasn’t exactly fate.” I raise an eyebrow. “They’d moved me to a secure facility where I could be protected and heal. I had to do physical therapy, and it felt like it would take forever. I might have used some of my time to call the hospital, find out who you were and then used my contacts to locate you.” He shrugs, like invasion of privacy is no big deal. He looks down in seriousness. “Once I found you, I couldn’t lose you. I wouldn’t let that happen.” My thoughts move to the what ifs. What if he couldn’t find me? What if I had never seen him again? What if… I look up when he kisses my nose. “Quit thinking so hard.” Laying my head back against his chest, I feel his chin on the top of my head as his arms tighten their hold. “I did that for a long time, thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong. Thinking about what I’d do if I wouldn’t be able to meet you in person, get to know you or touch you. I about went crazy with my thoughts.” I smile when I feel his lips against my head. “The main thing is we’re together now and I’ll never let anything happen to you.” He kisses my temple. “You’ll never be alone.”

  ~§~ ~§~ ~§~ ~§~

  Two weeks have come and gone and there’s been no change with Dad. Life has gone on with my routine being changed a bit, visiting him more often. The only good news is that Dax hasn’t gone out of town for “business” but the anxiety of that happening at any time still exists. My fears of this dreaded illness have come true. While Dax was out running errands, I received a call from Dr. Turner asking me to come in for a meeting. I had no idea what to expect, and he wouldn’t give away anything over the phone. So, I texted Dax what I was doing and went in. We met in the same conference room as before only to be joined by a couple of extra people, finding out it was a team from Hospice. I was informed that it was time for them to come into our lives and help support us in Dad’s final days. They said it could happen at any time but there’s no way to know how much time for sure.

  Numb and with heavy sadness, I sat by Dad’s bed, him turned over onto his side away from me for the rest of the evening, feeling so lost and knowing there’s nothing I can do – helpless.

  Once home, I park next to Dax’s car in my garage, having given him a key. When I walk into the house, Dax looks up from the table, an assortment of food laid out. One look at my face and he stands, walks over to me, and I fold into his strong arms. He rubs my back, my tears already dried from the ride here. “It’s time. Isn’t it?” I nod into his chest, squeezing him. I hear him sigh. He’s become so fond of Dad in such a short time. “How long?”

  “They don’t know for sure but it could be any time.”

  He continues to rub my back, the silence welcoming. Finally, he shifts me and we start walking into the living room. Without a word, he takes me into my bathroom and begins running water in the bathtub. With only the sound of the water, he turns and undresses me and then himself. I feel as if I can’t move, no motivation to do anything. He gets into the tub, turns off the water, and holds his hand out to me, helping me into the tub and settling between his legs. Instantly, I lay back against his chest as his arms encase me.

  “Tell me what I can do?” he whispers while he rubs my arm. I shrug, not knowing what to tell him. He kisses the top of my head. “You know. Your dad had a talk with me before he….” I look up, anxious to hear what he says. He chuckles. “He warned me not to hurt you.” For the first time today, I smile a little. “He said you could be stubborn.” He looks down and raises an eyebrow. A laugh escapes me without hesitation. He starts rubbing my arm again, and I settle back against his chest. “You’re not alone,” he whispers. I nod, staring at the tile. “Ever.”

  The following days drag turning into another week. Dad sleeps most of the time, and I sit by his bed, not feeling, not moving – always numb. Dax doesn’t do his physical therapy anymore and checks on me in between doing therapy on other patients. He’ll slip an orange or apple into my hand, not saying a word, knowing it’s so hard for me to stomach anything right now. He manages to get some food down me at dinner and at night, I find comfort in his arms. We haven’t had sex for over a week, not that he doesn’t want to, but he knows I’m depressed and only willing to sleep. Or try to.

  I walk into the nursing home on Wednesday, and one of the Hospice nurses greets me at the door. Dana and Trudy have been great through this, even though I’m sure I haven’t been really friendly. Trudy grasps my arm, giving me a sad smile. “His vitals aren’t good, Saige. It’s only a matter of time. I’d like to suggest that anyone you know who’d like to pay their last respects come in the next day or so. I’m sure it would be good for him to have his friends and loved ones pay a visit.” I nod, swallowing hard, so not ready for this.

  After checking in on Dad, I spend the next couple of hours texting Brooke, calling her mom, and various other neighbors, ex co-workers of Dad’s, his lawyer, and anyone else I can think of. Of course, Brooke calls me immediately.

  “I’m on my way home,” is all she says, and I’m grateful she didn’t give me words of apology or sympathy. She knows me too well.

  When I called Tony, his best friend and ex-co-worker who lives in New York from when Dad lived there, he asked if he could wait a day, wanting to travel on the weekend. When I’d explained that I felt he may go by then, Tony didn’t hesitate, telling me he’d find a flight today and get here as soon as he could. He was apprehensive, knowing in his heart it would be the last time he’d see Dad. I remember the many times throughout my life of us going to New York to visit him and his family or them coming here for a long weekend. I’d heard so many times when Tony would tease Dad that he’d set him and Mom up when she worked at a diner not far from where they worked only for Dad to laugh and explain, yet again, how she picked Dad up, not the other way around.

  On Thursday, Dad’s room was like a revolving door. People were in and out all day and evening. Surprisingly, Dad sat up in bed, recognizing every person, talking and laughing with them. Later, I was to find out it was like he knew he was nearing death and saying his final goodbyes. It was as if he was himself again, giving me hope I know would be only for a short time, knowing in my heart he was preparing to leave. However, I enjoyed the day, laughing and watching him laugh so hard as people stood or sat by his bed, sharing memories. It was almost comforting.

  By that evening, even though Dad looked extremely tired, I stood out in the hallway by his room as more visitors came in. Dax was never far away, either in a patient’s room doing therapy or in his office finishing charts and paperwork. I’m finding more and more he’s been my rock through this, my strength when I have none left. About an hour later, I feel a hand on my arm as I lean against th
e wall. I look up into the sad eyes of Tony and smile.

  “I’m so glad you came,” I whisper.

  He nods, swallowing hard. I know this isn’t easy for him. He squeezes my arm then takes a deep breath and walks into the room. I watch as Dad’s eyes fill with tears while Tony walks around his bed and envelopes him in a hug. I laughed and I cried, some of my tears happy and some sad. Dax pulls me back into his chest as he leans back against the wall across from Dad’s room, and we watch together through the doorway. Once Tony left, Dax and I visited with Dad for about an hour then the most amazing thing happened. We all turned our heads as Brooke walked in, enveloping me in her arms then leaning over, hugging and kissing Dad. She pulled up a chair on the other side of Dad’s bed and once I’d introduced Dax to her, she couldn’t keep from looking over at him while we all talked. I know how she feels. I still find myself looking at him, all the time. She’s her bubbly self but I know inside, she’s not.

  After an hour and with promises of catching up later, she kisses Dad and me goodbye. I take advantage of Dad’s alertness and spend the rest of the night talking, laughing, and sharing so many memories. Dax wanted me to go home about eleven, Dad becoming so tired, but I told him I would remain. It could very well be the last time we talk, and I don’t want to miss a single second. In understanding, he kisses my forehead and says he’ll talk to me in the morning, leaving me and Dad to continue down memory lane.

  Finally, at one in the morning, I kiss Dad goodnight, his eyes not able to remain open another moment. Telling him I love him, I sit and watch him fall asleep as I curl up in the recliner next to his bed. So many things I wish I’d thought of to say, so many times I wanted to climb into bed with him, have him hold me and promise he won’t leave me. I turn on my iPod, putting the buds in my ears, and play “Sounds of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel, one of Dad’s and my favorites.

  25

  The next morning, I woke up but Dad did not. He’s been sleeping all day. The Hospice nurses are vigilant in checking on him, taking his vitals, but shaking their heads and looking so sad. I know now that “a matter of time” isn’t nearly long enough. My phone rings so I walk out of Dad’s room, with promises of returning, and head down the hall, around the corner, and out into the courtyard. It’s sunny, a nice warm day as I sit down on a wooden bench and answer the call.

  “Saige.”

  Tony’s voice makes me tear up instantly.

  “Thank you for telling me to come. I was really nervous to be there, at first.” Tears brim in my eyes as I hear the shakiness in his voice. “I would have never forgiven myself if I hadn’t come and spent some time with him for the last time.” I know how he feels. “How are you holding up?”

  Since Tony and Dad are such great friends and neither Dad nor Mom had any siblings, Tony’s about the next best thing to an uncle that I have. Too bad he’s so far away. “I’m doing the best I can.” Well, I’m trying to.

  “Yeah. This has to be so hard on you, kiddo. I wish I lived closer. I’d be there for you.”

  “I know,” I whisper, trying to keep my tears at bay.

  He clears his throat, having his own hard time. “When it happens – you know – I’ll be there as quick as I can and help you with whatever you need me to.” I swallow, trying to get the lump down my throat.

  “Thank you.”

  We talk for a little longer. I ask about his wife, Rita, and their kids. His life is hectic, as with so many others. His oldest is a couple of years younger than me and then he had two more, each about two to two and half years apart in age. Rita works full time so I’m sure that’s why she didn’t come with him yesterday. After ending our call, I wipe away my tears, tuck my phone in my pocket as I stand, and head back to Dad’s room. Even though Dad’s not awake, I won’t miss a second being with him.

  I’ve been sitting here all day, talking to Dad as if he’s awake. Sharing memories. Telling him about working in the ICU at my previous employment and catching him up on all the gossip I’ve heard since I’ve come home. It’s exhausting. Just sitting here, basically talking to myself, but I’m hopeful that maybe he can hear me. By late afternoon, I’m about to fall asleep in the chair when something hits me. The thought nearly choking my emotions. Maybe he hasn’t gone yet, even after seeing most of the people he knows yesterday because he’s waiting for someone – or something. Standing, stretching out the cramps in my legs, I walk over to the other side of his bed, lean down and kiss his cheek. Staring at his sleep filled face, I will my tears to stay away until I get through this.

  “Daddy. You know, it’s okay to go be with Mom and Bobby now.” I swallow, reaching out and holding his hand, not feeling my own words. It feels cool to my touch, clammy. “I’ll be okay and I know you will be watching over me. Dax is here and Daddy, I love him. I haven’t told him, yet, but I really do. You always told me that I’d know in my heart when I would meet the right man.” I smile, a tear escaping my eye. “I love him, Daddy.” I search his face, his closed eyes, for any kind of acknowledgement but there’s nothing. With my free hand, I push back some of his thin uncombed hair. “You go be with Mom. Tell her and Bobby that I love and miss them, so much.” I smile, hoping he’ll hear it in my voice. “I’ll miss you terribly but I’ll be okay. I promise.”

  Needing to get ahold of my emotions, I start to walk out of his room, wanting to go back out to the courtyard to gather myself. As soon as I walk into the hall, Dax is leaning against the wall across from Dad’s room. My chin begins to quiver. “I need you,” I whisper, my shallow breathing making me stutter. He opens his arms and I walk right into them, feeling their strength and love. “I can’t…. I don’t want to….” I can’t seem to form a complete sentence as I sob into his t-shirt. I feel us moving, but I can’t stop crying long enough to look. My hands fisting his shirt. I hear a door close and keep sobbing.

  “I know, baby, I know,” he whispers, holding onto me tightly. “That must have been so hard to do.”

  Finally, I look up, still letting out soft cries. “You heard?” He gives me a sad smile. “Everything?” I whisper.

  “Everything.”

  I lay my head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” I say in between letting out a hiccup from needing air so badly.

  “Shhh,” he whispers, laying his hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. “It’s okay.” We stand there as I try to calm down, still holding onto his shirt like I’m afraid to let go. “I never expected to hear those words, at least not this soon. And I was good with that. Giving you some time. But I gotta tell you….” I look up and see the most serene look on his face. “They were the most amazing words I’ve ever heard in my entire life.” I lean up on my tiptoes as he leans down, our lips pressing together. If I was in a better frame of mind, I’d take him home right now and make love to him. But sadness still has a grip on me, completely. The kiss is short but sweet. “What can I do to help? Do you need anything from home that I can get for you?”

  I step back, still holding onto his shirt. “In the living room, the right bookcase, in the bottom cabinet is a few photo albums. Can you bring them to me, please?” He nods, eagerly. “Thank you.”

  He takes my right hand, removing it from his shirt, and opens the door. I smile when I realize we’d been in the storage closet, again. This time it was only for privacy and comfort, something I feel swell up inside me as we walk out.

  “There you are!”

  I look up at Brooke, standing at Dad’s open door, her fist up ready to knock. Her brow is raised, her eyes wide as she looks at me then Dax then at me again. He chuckles. I’ve missed that. “Can you pick up Dad’s record albums in the case in the other bookshelf cabinet and his portable record player in there too?”

  He nods, smiling as he leans down and kisses me. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll be back soon.”

  We walk hand in hand until we stop next to Brooke. “Are you gonna play records?” I roll my eyes but let out a laugh, and it fe
els so good and I’m so anxious to give her a hug. Yes, we are from the actual era where we listened to what some speak about as vinyl discs on a record player. Only because our parents had them, and Dad still does. His albums have always been special to him and me. I remember sitting on the living room floor and after hearing songs so much, I’d sing along with him as they played.

  Dax squeezes my hand and as he walks off, I struggle to let go. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express fully how much strength and support he’s giving me. Reluctantly, our hands release and I watch him walk down the hall.

  “Damn. He. Is. Fine.”

  I smile as he rounds the corner and from my sight. Putting my arm around her shoulders, I look at her. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Her arm moves around me and she smile and winks.

  “Girl, you know I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

  We turn and walk into Dad’s room and all I can think about is how thankful I am she’s here. It was very hard watching her hug Dad and kiss his cheek and him not even flinching. She and I sat down, me on the edge of Dad’s bed and her in the recliner and caught up on everything. An hour later, Trudy came in and checked his vitals and asked if we could talk out in the hall. I excused myself and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

  “How are you holding up?” she asks with a smile.

  I lean against the wall and blow out a breath. “Okay, I guess. I mean, as well as I can be.”

  She walks over and pats my arm. “You know we are here if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk.” I nod. “Between myself, Dana, and Tabitha, we will be checking his vitals hourly.” My brows lower in dread. “I’m afraid his time is coming sooner as his organs are beginning to shut down.” I knew this would happen. She and Dana spoke to me about it but I also read about it on the internet last night. “What can we do to help you through this right now?”