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  Shaking my head from all my rushing thoughts, I quickly wash my hair and body, shave and jump out of the shower, dry off and yank my clean t-shirt over my head and practically fall putting on my yoga pants. I run a brush through my hair, brush my teeth and then get out the blow dryer. I’m coughing to death as I rush around, but I’ll be damned if he sees me looking like death again. I jog down the stairs and am out of breath by the time I get to the bottom and walk into the laundry room. His wash is done, but I’m not sure he’d appreciate me touching his things. Oh, how I’d love to touch his things. So, I walk around the apartment and no Harley and end up on the couch, turn the TV on and flip channels. Finding an old movie, I lie down and get comfortable and close my eyes.

  I hear a noise. My eyes snap open, and I freeze. Keeping my head still, my eyes move around the room, and I hear noises from the other room in the small hallway next to the stairs. My heart starts beating fast and fear rises inside me. “Hey!” I scream when Harley walks through the doorway carrying a small basket with his clothes. I sit up slowly, my hand covering my heart and in seconds he’s sitting on the coffee table in front of me, and I’m thinking this is becoming his favorite spot. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just taking my clothes out of the dryer.” His hand moves up and moves my long hair back over my shoulder, and his face is full of concern. “Are you okay?”

  I nod and take a deep breath trying to get my heart to slow down. “Yes, I…. I’m not used to someone else being here, I guess.” My head tilts as confusion enters me. “Where have you been? Not that it’s any of my business but I thought you were just mailing something.” He sits up and rubs the scruff on his jawline. Oh, to be that jawline.

  “I, uh….” His brows crease as he keeps rubbing his face.

  “Oh! Never mind.” I laugh. His eyes widen, and his hand leaves his face and rests on his leg. “You don’t have to tell me. It’s none of my business. I was just…. Oh, never mind.” I begin to stand thinking I need to get away immediately if not sooner and the thought of food enters my head, briefly. My head snaps down when he grabs my arm, and slowly I sit back down.

  “No, you shouldn’t have to worry and I know you’re not used to someone being here with you. I had to make a call and it took a little longer than I had anticipated. That’s all.” I smile. My eyes follow as he stands and stretches his arms up high over his head, his hand grasping his other wrist and my eyes then follow back down his body, and I clamp my mouth shut as I look at his perfect skin and flat stomach when his shirt rises with his movements. “Uh….” My eyes snap up to his, and I can feel the heat on my face.

  “There’s a gym at the end of that small hall you can use if you want to work on your abs or whatever else,” I blurt with absolutely no filter. He lets out a laugh, and I’m sure he’s getting a kick out of all the different shades of red my face is turning.

  “Well, thanks. Do you think my abs need it?” I swallow, hard, as he lifts his shirt up and I’m thinking ‘Please God, don’t let me moan out loud’.

  I look down at lap, my hands twisting and turning and I’m almost afraid to open my mouth. “No! No! Your abs are….” I look up quickly to his chuckle and swallow again. “I think I need to start dinner or go to bed. MY BED! Oh God!”

  I stand and turn to head the other direction away from him, but he stops me with his hand on my forearm, and I shut my eyes. “Hey, it’s okay,” he replies, laughing. “Really, it’s fine. I’ll cook. You need rest. Sit.” He pulls gently on my arm, and I turn back and sit quickly.

  He starts to walk around the couch towards the kitchen, and my eyes widen as I turn my head. “You have a nice laugh.” My hand covers my mouth quickly. He chuckles again and leaves the room. I really want to go and crawl under the covers on my bed right now.

  We have a nice dinner and are sitting around the table finishing up our meal. “Maybe you should be a cook part time. This is really great!” I state between mouthfuls. Our eyes meet, and he gives me his sexy grin. “Are you sure the bar is okay without us again tonight? I hate missing work and having everyone manage without me.”

  He takes his last bite, and his eyes move up to mine. “Pete’s got it under control. I’ve been talking to him, checking in. Don’t worry.” He tilts his head as his face changes to tenderness. “You’re a very caring person.”

  I’m caught off guard with his compliment and wonder where that came from. “I try to be. It’s how I was raised.” My brows lower and my mouth turns into a frown. “You’ve had a rough life growing up. Haven’t you?”

  He stops chewing and stares at me. Shit, there goes my non filter again. He sets his fork down on his plate, slowly, and finishes chewing, and I watch as his throat moves up and down with each swallow. “Well, let’s just say I’ve had a lot of misfortunes but I won’t let things like that ever happen again and I’ve learned enough from them.”

  “Things that keep you from being happy, from letting yourself be happy.” Crap! Shut up already! You’re gonna make him not want to ever talk to you again. Idiot!

  He lowers his head and then when it raises the look on his face is indescribable. “There’s things that you don’t know, that no one knows and if you did, you’d run far away from me. It’s…. I can’t….” His eyes are pleading, and his face is full of brokenness and my heart bleeds for him. I reach my hand across the table, covering his and give a small smile.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” I whisper. “But know…. I wouldn’t run and if you ever decide you can trust me enough to tell me, I promise I won’t judge you or tell another soul. I won’t run.”

  His phone chooses that time to interrupt us, and as he pulls it from his pocket and looks at it, he gets up and starts walking out of the room. “Yes? Did you call her doctor?” is all I heard until he’s gone. Who is he talking to and who is she that needs a doctor? He just became that much more confusing and mysterious, but I aim to find out. I’m just not sure how.

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  Damn! I want to let her in so badly, trust her, confide in her, but I’m not sure I can yet. She seems caring and trustworthy, but I’ve never told another living soul. How do I know I can trust her enough and do I want to take the chance of the one person I want to have so badly that she won’t run once she finds out? When Macy called and told me Rosie was ill, I wanted to pack up and run to her, but I’m so far away that it wouldn’t help, and I’m not allowed to see her anyway. I did tell her I sent money, and that she should get it in a couple of days. I’m getting confused on what to do. All I know is Rosie comes first, and my life is shit compared to that. Macy finally assured me that she’ll call the doctor and call me later with an update. Now, I’m sick with worry and without working tonight I have nothing to keep me busy. I’ve got to figure out a way to get Rosie, but I’m afraid after everything that’s happened and the paper they made me sign, I don’t have a chance in hell.

  I walk back into the kitchen and see Pearl is cleaning up our dinner mess. She turns her head my way and gives me a small smile. “Everything okay?”

  “Kind of. I think I’m gonna head downstairs and help out. I need something to do,” I reply as I look down at the floor in front of her.

  “It’s okay. I’m good. You go ahead.” I start to turn, and her voice stops me. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” I close my eyes briefly, then open them and walk out of the room. God, I wish I could.

  It’s been a busy night, but I’m glad for something to keep my mind busy. Macy called me back and said she took Rosie in to see the doctor, and she got some medicine. I wish I could actually talk to Rosie, let her know I’m her daddy. I promised myself when she was born that I would send money to help support her, but would keep out of her life, for her sake. Of course, the papers they made me sign cemented that. I want her to have nothing but happiness in her life, and I’m sure if she knew what I did, what I’ve been through, that would cause her to hate me. Macy disagrees with me, all the time, but I have to stay strong and keep to what I
promised myself. At two and a half, she hasn’t asked about her daddy, yet, but I know it’s a matter of time that she will.

  It’s almost time to close the doors and there’s only a few people left here. The one guy sitting at the bar keeps asking where Pearl is, and he’s beginning to piss me off. “So, where is that pretty young thing tonight? Damn, she makes me hard just looking at her.” I slam my hand down on the counter, the cleaning cloth still in it, and turn my head. Pete walks up behind me and pats my shoulder, but I don’t take my eyes off the asshole.

  “Okay, Ace. Finish your drink and get outta here, we’re closing.” I watch as Pete leans on the counter, his head turns my way, but his eyes stay on asshole. “See that guy? You keep flapping your gums that way about Pearl, and he’s gonna rip you a new one. Not only is she his employer but his friend.” I see asshole swallow hard and then smirk.

  “Whatever.” He stands, grabs his glass and downs the liquid, turns to leave only stopping and then looks at me from over his shoulder. “He doesn’t scare me.” His eyes roam down my front and then back up to my eyes. “I can take him,” he sneers. He turns and walks towards the front door and then outside.

  Pete looks at me, winks and then heads out from behind the bar. I look at the front door, and my mind goes into overtime of another guy, another place and I shake my head and start cleaning again.

  By the time we get everything cleaned and locked up, I walk up to the apartment, use my key to get in and walk directly upstairs, bypassing the room I’m staying in and stand in the doorway of Pearl’s room. She’s sound asleep, and her hands are half under her pillow under the side of her face. My cock hardens immediately when I see the covers are riding low just above her hip. Her camisole top raised enough that I can see the curve of her waist and her flat stomach. I creep in quietly, pull the covers up and over her shoulder, look at her beautiful face once more and go to my room.

  After a much needed shower, I lay in bed, my head resting on my bent arm and just look at the ceiling. What if I told Pearl everything? Trusted her and she didn’t run away. What if someday I get to meet my daughter? What if someday I forgave myself? What if? Who in the hell am I kidding? None of that will happen. It can’t. Maybe it’s time to move on. I’m just so tired of traveling, living day to day with all the horrible memories and all the frustration of what can’t be. I sigh, pulling up the covers over my naked chest and close my eyes. I know running won’t get rid of what’s inside my head, but I can’t take the chance of getting to close to anyone, ruining their lives as I have mine and my daughters. I won’t let that happen. My mind drifts, starting to get into that state where you begin to dream, and I think of Pearl and me, laughing, holding hands and then….

  “Morning! How was work last night,” Pearl asks as I walk into the kitchen, her voice clear as a bell and the color has returned to her skin.

  I walk over to the table, the feeling of belonging setting into my bones. I sit down and turn to her. “Good. You sound much better today.”

  She walks over smiling and carrying two plates, and I notice there are large glasses of orange juice and coffee already on the table. She sits as she sets a plate heaped of food in front of me and sets hers down, grabbing her napkin placing it in her lap. “I feel so much better this morning. Thanks to your care and oh yea, the medicine.” She giggles, picks up her fork and starts eating with renewed vigor.

  I pick up my fork, take a bite and close my eyes to the tastiness. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.” She gives me a smile and takes a drink of her juice and starts eating again. “I’m also glad to see your appetite has returned. You were getting a little…. Well, you need some meat on those bones.” She laughs and continues to eat, and it’s like she’s not even slowing down to breathe. “Listen, last night….” Her eyes look at me as she takes another bite from her fork. “A man was there going on about you and I mean not in a good way.”

  She sets her fork down on her plate and takes another drink, then sets the glass down. “Oh, do you know his name or what does he look like?” She picks up her fork and takes another bite quickly.

  I think back trying to get specifics. “Hmm, he had short red hair, freckles, kind of a big guy, muscular. He was loud and very obnoxious.”

  She rolls her eyes and swallows. “Oh, that’s Drew. Yeah, he’s a pain. He’s been trying to get me to go out with him since we opened. He is loud and crude. I wish he’d not come in there anymore. He gives me the creeps.” Her body shudders and anger invades me. “Thank goodness with you, Pete and Rider there’s always someone there to make sure every woman in the bar is safe from him. No telling what he’s liable to do if he had the chance.”

  “Won’t have the chance as far as I’m concerned, especially to you. Over my dead body,” I mumble.

  “What?” My eyes look at her, and I’m hoping she didn’t catch that.

  “Oh, just said that we wouldn’t let anything happen to anyone,” I quickly cover myself. She smiles, takes a sip of her coffee and starts eating again. “So, are you going back to work today? Maybe you should take one more day off. Would hate for you to relapse.” I start eating again, even though I’ve seemed to have lost most of my appetite now.

  “Oh, yes! There’s no way I can lay around this place for another day. I’m feeling so much better and anxious to get back to work.” She looks into my eyes, and I can see her face soften. “Don’t worry, I won’t overdo it. I promise.”

  I can’t help but give her a little smile. “Well, if you start to get too tired, leave. The rest of us can handle it.” I wipe my mouth with my napkin and stand, gathering my plate, silverware and glass. “If you don’t mind, I’ll clean up and then thought I might work out for a bit.” She nods, her eyes wide and continues to eat. I clean up my stuff and then wash the skillet she used and head out of the kitchen and upstairs to my room. My room. That just sounds so odd. Should I even stay here now that she’s better or go back to my truck? My body shudders at the thought of sleeping in the bed of my truck again, but I don’t want to be selfish either. I’ll just work out, take a shower and pack my bag then get it after work tonight and try to explain why I shouldn’t be staying here again. I better prepare for an argument ‘cos I know it’s coming.

  Damn, her small gym was great and the shower felt awesome afterwards. I know her parents are rich, but she doesn’t seem affected by it at all. She’s so down to earth, so genuine, works hard to make her bar succeed, a woman I hold respect for and someone I want in my life. Fuck! There I go again. I seriously need to get out of here and get enough money up to live off of until I get to the next place. My time here is going to cost broken hearts. Hers and mine.

  Later that evening we’re slammed at the bar, the band playing tonight is rocking the house. Rider has had to break up two fights, but they didn’t get too bad. Last call was about twenty minutes ago, and I’m coming back from the kitchen when I see Pearl getting pissed off behind the bar. My eyes follow hers and see that asshat sitting across the counter from her.

  “Look, Drew, go home. You’re drunk, again, and in need of some major sleep off.” I see her look up as I enter behind the bar, and she turns her head, each way and I’m guessing she’s looking for Rider.

  “You heard the lady. Time to leave,” I growl as I get closer.

  He turns his head, and he snarls at me, stands and throws money down on the counter. “One day, missy. One day.” He looks back my way and then turns, scowling towards the door. My eyes stay glued to his retreating form until he’s out of the door.

  I walk right up to Pearl, getting close by her side and lean down, my mouth close to her ear. “What did he say,” I growl in a whisper.

  Her head barely turns, but when I look down, I see her chest rising and falling quickly in her distress. “Nothing. I handled it.”

  “You want me to be open with you? You want me to tell you my secrets? That works both ways. Time you’re open with me. What did he say?” I’m trying to keep calm, but the inferno inside me is about
to take me over the edge. I watch her throat constrict with her heavy swallow and look up to see a tear glistening in her eye.

  “He said he couldn’t wait to get me alone, to get into my panties, rip them off me and show me what a real man can do for me.” She jumps when I slam my fist down on the counter, but before I do any more damage, I turn and storm off, grab the mop and bucket from the back and start cleaning the floor. Right now, I want to rip his dick off and feed it to him. As I push the mop angrily I turn my head slightly and notice she’s still standing there. “Go home. I’ll lock up.” Her head moves my way and gives me a small nod, then walks around the bar, and I go back to mopping as she walks past me. If he ever lays a hand on her, I’ll have him for dinner and not think twice about it.

  Chapter Six

  I don’t know why Drew bothered me so much, maybe it’s because I’m not as well as I thought, but he made me cringe with his words, so much that I couldn’t quit shaking. Harley’s face was beet red, his anger apparent by the way he moved and by his voice. I think he wanted to beat the crap outta Drew and would have if Drew hadn’t left. Harley actually scared me a little with his intenseness, but I know, deep down, he was angered for me.